I Quit My Job and Fled to Panama: Soul Musings
I needed to soul dump some thoughts that I've had since quitting my job and travelling for 3 months! It's giving stoner musings but unfortunately this is just what my inner dialogue is like! This is for anyone who has considered taking a break from work but might be fearful. There is lots more to share so if you have a question, send it my way.
My Current Obsession: Cotopaxi Batac 16L
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Transcript:
00;00;03;20 - 00;00;27;09
Steph
I'm Stephanie Hammond and this is the Fruition podcast. On this show, I sit down with passionate people who've brought their dreams to fruition. We'll explore different versions of success and fulfillment and dig in to what was on their mind along the way. With these conversations, I hope we can all expand our sense of possibility. And who knows? Maybe hearing their stories will inspire you to take action on yours.
00;00;27;10 - 00;00;54;10
Steph
Walla Walla Walla. I've been in Central America for three months and honestly, that's pretty much all I've got without feeling like an absolute fumbling fraudster. Picking up a language is really, really hard. So anyways, today we have a solo episode because I'm feeling really called to share my experiences and what I've been learning as opposed to looking outside of myself for guidance through interviews.
00;00;54;16 - 00;01;23;04
Steph
And right now I'm just feeling a little more inward, a little bit more like I have some beans to spill. So anyways, before we get started, I want to share an obsession with you that I've had on this trip, which made Cotopaxi buttock 16 liter backpack. It's like a daypack that I got last year when I went to Hawaii for a couple of months, and I used it every single day that I was there.
00;01;23;04 - 00;01;43;17
Steph
And before I left I was like, Maybe I need the bigger one. Nope, the 16 is perfect. It holds absolutely everything. If you know Cotopaxi, you know how colorful everything is. It's so cute. They have, like, super bright, like patchwork colors and the backpack has no structure to it. So it can be rolled up. It can be stuffed into a duffel bag.
00;01;43;17 - 00;02;04;05
Steph
It can be put into a suitcase. It takes up no space at all. And so then it's obviously really lightweight. I guess Hawaii was two years ago, so I've been using it for two full years. If you need a daypack that works for absolutely everything, check out Cotopaxi. And then second of all, I want to say hi to Brooks and Larson and me and Gracie and Cooper and Kai and Beckett.
00;02;04;05 - 00;02;30;07
Steph
Those are all my little baby nieces and nephews. And I love you all so much. And your parents told me that you listen on your own, which makes my heart absolutely burst. I love you guys to pieces. My hope for you is that you live the biggest, brightest, most joy filled lives possible. And that will almost always mean going against what you've been taught, which is scary and hard.
00;02;30;07 - 00;02;51;27
Steph
I know. And it's scary and hard for me, and I'm pushing myself to do it anyways, of course, for me, but also so that maybe one day you feel a little bit freer and accepted and safe doing the same in your life too. So remember, just because somebody says that what you like or what you want to do is right or wrong does not make it truth.
00;02;52;00 - 00;03;16;22
Steph
But anyways, let's get into it. I'm going to be really honest. I was in survival mode for the first two months of this experience, kind of, and I went M.I.A. But before I came to Central America, I quit my job at the end of March. I packed up my things, got rid of my apartment, and I booked a flight to Panama to volunteer at a hotel in exchange for accommodations.
00;03;16;22 - 00;03;44;19
Steph
So that I could be free and surf every day and be part of a new community and just experience a different way of life and rest and give my mind space. And that was my intention. And there's been a lot of good like a lot. It's been I feel so lucky that I've had this opportunity and this experience and there have been a lot of challenges.
00;03;44;22 - 00;04;08;25
Steph
And so I want to share both because I think that it's important to be really open and honest about both sides of the coin that are honestly present in every experience. You have good days, you have bad days, even in paradise. And so I want to be honest about that because I'm certain that many of you listening have probably wanted to quit your job and run away to a beach at some point.
00;04;08;27 - 00;04;33;07
Steph
And I wouldn't say that I'm running away. I would say that this is just living my life and it's just as real as the day to day routine that you experience when you are going to work Monday through Friday. That's real life. And real life is when you're on vacation. I think what frustrates me is that people associate responsibility with real life.
00;04;33;07 - 00;05;11;22
Steph
And if you let go of responsibilities, you're supposedly not living your real life or you're running away from your real life. But I think that you get to choose what kind of responsibilities you want to allow in. And I very much still have responsibility is to keep myself safe and healthy. But I just want to challenge the idea that everyone calls the day to day, like 9 to 5 corporate city grind real life and that everything else that you might do is running away from reality because it really just keeps you stuck in the belief that everything outside of that, that you might find joyful and that you might yearn for or be excited about
00;05;11;25 - 00;05;37;17
Steph
is really just meant to be a special treat that you strive for and that it's not real life. But earning money doesn't necessarily correlate with progress or forward movement in your life and doesn't necessarily mean that you're experiencing reality. I would actually argue that a lot of people run away from quote unquote reality or real life or their emotions in the day to day grind.
00;05;37;21 - 00;05;57;28
Steph
So no matter where you are, you can run away. No matter where you are, you can be president. I think that real life is everything everywhere, all at once. And you get to choose whether or not your present to it and what you consider your reality. Anyways, let me just tell you what it's really been like so that you can then base some decisions off of hopefully more knowledge.
00;05;58;01 - 00;06;27;13
Steph
And I really think that this is going to come across as like an annoying. That time I studied abroad Tape debrief. But if this is annoying then go somewhere else. Okay. So first I want to share what my intentions were before I went into this experience and I guess some of my thoughts before I left. First, I wanted to serve as much as possible every single day, so I specifically chose places to serve.
00;06;27;15 - 00;06;57;26
Steph
I also wanted to learn Spanish, but I. I'm doing my best. Okay, too. I wanted to simplify, simplify, simplify, simplify. I was getting really frustrated living in inner city before I came here. I was in Seattle, and I just feel like it's easy for me to participate in this. What I feel is a very vicious, never ending cycle of constantly needing more.
00;06;57;26 - 00;07;26;12
Steph
And I don't even mean to compete in terms of status. I mean, like just to exist the prescriptions subscriptions in newer cars because they're safer, nicer clothes to be taken seriously, memberships just so that we have community and a place to gather or like member ships so that we can be fit. And to me, again, I feel like these are just basic necessities that are unavoidable.
00;07;26;12 - 00;07;59;28
Steph
And that drove me crazy because I didn't really see a way to stop making some of these like purchases and commitments without then feeling like I was falling behind or not taking advantage of opportunities. It feels like to participate in society you have to spend. And that was really frustrating to me and I could be glamorizing. I fully recognize that there are many challenges to existence in more rural or remote parts of Central America, but what really appeals to me are the lack of options.
00;07;59;28 - 00;08;31;03
Steph
Honestly, like there's less emphasis on the physical, like what you wear or the car that you're driving. Everything is so much more functional and a place where it's physically challenging to exist. There's no like collective pressure or drive or thirst for more that I felt in a city environment. So I wanted to step away and step out of that cycle for a bit and just feel what it was like to have less options and pressure.
00;08;31;03 - 00;09;10;09
Steph
Plus, I just wanted a simpler day to day, like not running around, not keeping time. I wanted my only focus to be surf and fun and yoga and meditation and ice cream and nature and just having a good time and sunshine and just really experience being in a collective energy of what they say in Costa Rica. Pura Vida where you really appreciate what you have here in the present moment and you feel the abundance and the vitality of everything around you, the richness of existence and life, that what you have is enough.
00;09;10;14 - 00;09;34;28
Steph
And I think that that's honestly the different is like the collective energy here is enough ness and abundance, whereas the collective energy that I felt back home in a city environment is it's never enough ness. And it actually reminds like, like I can do all the same things in Seattle that I'm doing here. Technically, I can do yoga every day.
00;09;34;28 - 00;10;00;16
Steph
I can go surfing on the coast, I can meditate every single morning. But to me, it doesn't feel as like deeply nourishing and fulfilling as it does here. And I'm trying to put my finger on what that difference is. There is like a collective energy that's different here than what I feel at home. And it kind of reminds me of I had written this down a while ago because it like really resonated with me.
00;10;00;18 - 00;10;32;11
Steph
So Bree Melanson, she articulated this so succinctly. She said to live in love in purpose without the need to gain, which is to return to your natural state and to me, your natural state is this pure existence that's so loving and generous and is not attached to the need to gain. And that's what I feel here. This collective energy that your natural state is enough to live in loving purpose without the need to gain.
00;10;32;16 - 00;10;54;20
Steph
I don't feel that as much at home, and that's something that I want to cultivate for myself at home because I know it's possible anywhere. But I'm just commenting now that before I came here I was trying to kind of experience something different than the collective energy that I felt at home. And something else that she said is that people are starved for deeper connection and remembrance.
00;10;54;22 - 00;11;21;22
Steph
And my thought on that is when I'm stuck in that vicious cycle, oftentimes I, I feel that hunger, that starvation for a deeper connection and remembrance of my natural state, of pure existence, living and loving purpose. But I just hear that hunger. And so I end up feeding the egos desires because that seems more accessible and more available.
00;11;21;25 - 00;11;43;23
Steph
And that's where that vicious cycle comes from. Whereas here I feel that sense of deeper connection to myself, to the people around me, to nature and the remembrance of my natural state, of my pure existence, of living and loving purpose is so much more readily available to me here. And so I don't feel that hunger, and maybe that's part of it.
00;11;43;25 - 00;12;11;05
Steph
I'm not feeding any ego desires because I don't have that hunger. I feel really deeply nourished by the connections that I have here to my surroundings and to myself. And I really feel like I'm in my natural state. And I really think that that disconnection is actually disconnection from nature and the rhythms of nature. Because when you are regularly immersed in it and just like kind of overcome by nature, you realize that you are also nature.
00;12;11;05 - 00;12;38;22
Steph
And when you recognize that a lot of the insecurities and fears and doubts that we experience in our minds melt away. Because when you realize that your nature to see how beautiful nature is and you see how messy nature is, and and if that tree is so beautiful and now puddle is so messy, you really you just like, stop judging yourself so harshly because you too, are as beautiful as that strange looking tree.
00;12;38;22 - 00;13;03;03
Steph
And like you too, are as messy as that puddle. But nobody's judging in a puddle. No one's upset that the puddle splashes or that the puddle is dirty. It just reminds you of who you really are. And like your core, being in your natural state is really special and profound and filled with wonder. And also which takes you out of that like fear, judgment, anxiety, space.
00;13;03;09 - 00;13;33;21
Steph
And I think that being in nature and especially in nature, that's so like wild and intense kind of like shocks that back in to you, it makes it really hard to ignore and it also makes the like, dissonance between what's artificial and what's real. So much more obvious. Like when you're awake to this crazy, powerful energy that surrounds you, you more easily recognize what's not in tune with that same energy and what I'm in harmony with that powerful energy.
00;13;33;21 - 00;13;59;04
Steph
I feel a deep, deep, deep, profound sense of connection to myself, to everything around me. Like that's where I feel that sense of belonging and that sense of purpose and like and honestly, I feel so special. Like it just feels like such an abundant positive, like high vibration frequency. When I'm in harmony with nature. And so I think that really that deeper connection comes from living more in sync with nature.
00;13;59;10 - 00;14;20;23
Steph
I don't always do it, but when I do, I feel completely different than when I don't. I don't feel that hunger and that not enough ness that I feel when I'm not living in harmony with nature. So anyways, I guess I'm getting into some lessons and observations now, but these were my intentions before to simplify and to live in loving purpose and get back to my natural state.
00;14;20;26 - 00;14;51;21
Steph
Another intention that I had was to show myself that the attachments that hold us back aren't real and that I can unwind anything and make new choices whenever I need to, that I'm not chained to anything, that I am free and I can make a new decision any day. And this goes for our identities and our communities. Also, these decisions that I made and this experience definitely made other people uncomfortable.
00;14;51;23 - 00;15;16;25
Steph
They thought and probably still think that it's all a mistake, think it'll set me back. And these are beliefs that I felt as well. They're marrying them back to me. So I fully admit that I've thought these myself. But I'm challenging these thoughts and these beliefs and my own old self, an identity that craves security and stability and constant forward movement and progress by making a new choice and by trying something different.
00;15;16;25 - 00;15;36;08
Steph
And the physical manifestation of that for me was this was my couch. This like big, beautiful sectional that I have that I love. But it's really big. And every time I thought of making a new decision and packing things up and going somewhere new, I just kept thinking like, Oh, I can't leave this place because what am I going to do with this couch?
00;15;36;08 - 00;15;55;10
Steph
Like, how am I going to move it? How am I going to stowed away? It's a white couch, like it's going to get dirty if I move it anywhere. And like what storage unit is going to be big enough to fit this couch, even though it breaks down into pieces Like it just was the silliest thing that I had on my mind that I was fixated on until finally I just had to rip the Band-Aid off.
00;15;55;10 - 00;16;19;15
Steph
And it's like so representative of all these silly beliefs that have kept me small and held me back for such a long time. So the couch thing is just kind of like we're so crazy sometimes in our cute little minds. Okay, the next intention that I have was just was just joy and play. I really just honestly wanted to experience life and have a good time.
00;16;19;15 - 00;16;48;01
Steph
Like everything felt so heavy and felt so serious. And I was in not the most positive situation, which I will not talk more about, but I needed some lightness and some brightness. Another thing Bree Mallinson said is that our purpose is to reawaken and help people to remember. And I think honestly, I'm here to help people remember pure innocent joy and fun and pleasure.
00;16;48;01 - 00;17;14;10
Steph
But I'm not that good at it myself. Like this is me reconnecting to that, reawakening to that, just enjoying like the feeling of the sun or the way you laugh when someone splashes you in the water, just like wholesome, pure pleasure and joy. And I'm doing everything I can to honor these little and all indulgences. And I want to remind you guys to do it, too, especially now that we're going into summer.
00;17;14;10 - 00;17;35;23
Steph
Like just soak up all soak up the popsicles, soak up like, you know, jumping on a trampoline if you can, or like the sweaty ness and stickiness that you feel when you've been outside all day for a couple of hours, like we're allowed to feel good, our lives can be simple and lovely and joyful and we don't have to suffer.
00;17;35;25 - 00;17;57;16
Steph
We're not here to suffer. Like allow yourself to watch the birds soaring in the sky and just, like, feel that feeling with them. I needed the reminder that I do not exist to just slog through life. And I always need a little reminder that we don't have to suffer through this life like we're allowed to move through our lives joyfully.
00;17;57;23 - 00;18;23;06
Steph
And I'm unaware, finding the belief that joy has to be earned. So if anyone has any tips on that thrown my way and then my final intention. Wow, this one. This is a long list, guys. I had a lot of plans going into this, so my final intention was kind of a universal experiment. I wanted to know what happens when I take big risks, when I step into the unknown, when I say no to what?
00;18;23;09 - 00;18;45;29
Steph
What's not right for me over and over and over again on like a big scale? Or am I capable of taking drastic action? In my heart of hearts, I want to believe that if you do those things, a job and a community and a life that feels good and right deep in your bones does fully exist. It's just on the other side of your fears and your faith.
00;18;45;29 - 00;19;19;09
Steph
And again, that's true. But reflecting on how I went about this and this specific intention is very controlling. Like I, I was looking at taking these steps and taking these actions as if if I did it, then I'm owed something in exchange for just looking out for my own best interest. And I realize now that the reward is being free of the negativity that I was allowing and accepting in my life.
00;19;19;11 - 00;19;43;25
Steph
And so you get to do what sounds nice to you, and I highly encourage you to do that because it will only lead you on an upward spiral towards where you want to go. Glassing My biggest fear going into this chapter is that I wouldn't be able to chill and be present, that I'd be constantly making up things that I need to do, like giving myself work, filling my time, worrying about the future, creating my own anxiety.
00;19;43;28 - 00;20;08;05
Steph
And I will say that I struggle with this every day at home. And here. That did not change when I came here. So that's been an interesting thing to notice because I really thought that the things outside of me were the source of my anxieties. Wherever you go, there you are. And it continues to be my work to allow myself peace and enjoyment and rest and presence.
00;20;08;07 - 00;20;39;09
Steph
Whatever change you want to make in your life, that's wonderful. And it might bring you one step closer to recognizing what is aligned for you and what's not aligned for you. And it will make what's challenging for you. Very obvious. Okay, so let's go in. Here's some random observations that I've had. I witnessed this when I was in Hawaii, in the jungle environments, in rural environments, places where it's so intensely beautiful, the universal law of duality is really present and really persistent.
00;20;39;09 - 00;21;17;23
Steph
And like anywhere that there's lightness, there's an equal amount of darkness. And even like in places where there's a really high vibration frequency, there's also an equivalent low vibration frequency present. And so, for example, like the Strong Sun gives so much life to all these like stunning tropical plants that surround you and wow, you and like, bring you so much and at the same time, that strong sign is absolute punishing as you walk 20 minutes in 100 degree heat on asphalt in 90% humidity from the beach into town.
00;21;17;26 - 00;21;47;19
Steph
And where there's, you know, intense wealth, there's also extreme poverty. And where there is the softness, lushness and abundance, there's animals that will kill you with one bite. So there's such simplicity and tranquility in environments like this that I am drawn to and have so much appreciation for. And at the same time, you also get left outside in monsoons for hours while you wait for the bus and it's late and the bus might never come.
00;21;47;21 - 00;22;08;07
Steph
In environments like this, it's difficult to live in these places, and yet they're so attractive. To me, it's like the Garden of Eden. This duality, this intensity is kind of like a metaphor for my experience as a whole. There were so many highs and then so many lows, and so it's a good reminder. Anyways, with that, here's some lessons that I learned.
00;22;08;10 - 00;22;44;01
Steph
I went into this with a volunteer. I went into Santa Catalina, Panama, with a volunteer in positions that I could stay at a hotel for free. And I thought that I needed a job from somebody, a sponsor, to rely on to help me because I couldn't possibly figure it out all by myself. Is what I thought. And I thought also that I needed a bridge to show me, like how I could get to Panama, where I should go, like something to kind of like, anchor me in a new place and to bring me from where I was in a city with a stable job and a home that I went to every single day, to
00;22;44;03 - 00;23;15;27
Steph
this kind of traveling, like more unknown experience. I didn't really feel capable of it on my own without having some sort of like anchor or tether to bring me into this new phase. I mean, I did, but I've since learned that all of that was available to me with or without the volunteer position that I took. I probably expedited all of those things for me, like building a sense of community and finding you know, just like purpose day to day when I got here.
00;23;16;03 - 00;23;49;01
Steph
But it wasn't fully necessary. And also with that situation reminded me is that we all have a rate we all have an hourly rate, and I'm a finance girl, so of course I put everything into numbers while I was there, and I knew that comfortable accommodations and food would cost me like 80 to $120 a day in Panama, which is like 2200 to 3400 a month or $40,500 a year after tax and before tax, call it like $55,000 a year.
00;23;49;04 - 00;24;22;00
Steph
And could I easily get a part time job online for that and have more flexibility? Yes. But instead, I was volunteering because again, I thought that I needed I thought that I needed all those things, a bridge to get me out of my life and into a new phase. And this volunteering position was physical and intellectual. I was doing some finance stuff for them, but then I was also working behind the bar way more than I wanted to for like 30 to 35 hours a week in exchange for accommodations and food and transportation, which I would ballpark at like an absolute maximum of $50 a day.
00;24;22;03 - 00;25;01;09
Steph
But more realistically, like the value of what I was getting was $40 a day ish. So I was losing money based on what I know my personal hourly rate could be, and that would be based on my minimum output. Plus, I was uncomfortable in the environment and the accommodations that I was in. So pretty quickly into it, I realized that my basic needs weren't being met and I didn't feel comfortable at all, and that if I just respected my own hourly rate and got myself a part time job online, that I could continue with whatever adventure I wanted to continue on and have more flexibility.
00;25;01;11 - 00;25;30;04
Steph
But on the flip side, I wanted to just mentally be where my physical feet were. So there were pros and cons for sure. But first, when I recognized that I wasn't comfortable and that my basic needs weren't being met, then I put everything into numbers. And if it's not obvious, I left that volunteering position early. I had made a commitment to be there for three months, and commitments are really, really important to me and I pride myself on loyalty.
00;25;30;04 - 00;25;50;01
Steph
But what I found through this experience was that my loyalties have always been to others, which is good, and I'm not letting go of that. But loyalty to myself needs to come first, and I cannot sacrifice my own comfort for the comfort of somebody else. So I broke a commitment and that was a big test for me, a huge challenge.
00;25;50;01 - 00;26;21;08
Steph
I felt horrible doing it, but I had to listen to myself and what I knew was true and I was learning to listen to my body and it was giving me every single sign that I needed to leave the situation was a little bit frustrating to me because I coming into this thought that I just had to do the one hard thing of leaving my pass job, packing up all my things in my apartment, and then taking this leap of faith into a new adventure, and that the universe would just swoop in and everything would fall perfectly into place, and I would have the most amazing experience and never have a problem again for the
00;26;21;08 - 00;26;40;28
Steph
rest of my life. But behind every obstacle is another one. And I think that honestly, they just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger. And that doesn't end because you keep up leveling up, leveling up, leveling. So it's not necessarily a bad thing. But I realized and actually my brother called out to me, kind of everybody in my life called out to me.
00;26;41;05 - 00;27;04;22
Steph
But he succinctly said, Maybe this phase of your life is about quitting and it's about learning how to quit. I was frustrated because I had just quit my job and now I made this new commitment and six weeks later I wanted to quit something else. And so I was kind of judging myself and he was fully right. So I broke that commitment and immediately I felt relief.
00;27;04;25 - 00;27;28;11
Steph
It was insane. And that kind of goes into learning to listen to my body Before I left. Before I quit my job, I had started doing somatic therapy and it was profoundly impactful for me. One of the big takeaways is that your body is constantly communicating with you. And while I was in Santa Catalina, Panama, I was getting a lot of messages.
00;27;28;11 - 00;27;46;18
Steph
I was day to day. I was like very much involved in nature will say I wasn't camping with no electricity or plumbing or Wi-Fi, but I was outside all day, every day with bugs and animals and the ocean and the weather. And I wasn't, you know, at home in my apartment listening to podcasts while I work on my computer.
00;27;46;20 - 00;28;10;02
Steph
I was walking barefoot and spent my free time meditating and surfing and doing yoga. All this to say I was pretty in tune and hyper aware of my body. And while I was there, my heart didn't feel open at all. It felt really closed off and tight. I had like a few really specific health things, like I had a rash on my arm that I got almost immediately when I came to Santa Catalina.
00;28;10;04 - 00;28;32;14
Steph
And I had this, like, persistent tightness in my throat, in my chest, and my breathing was really shallow and tight, and my digestion was way off. And I just had this overall feeling of like tension and tightness and holding on like gripping and discomfort. And my body was telling me that this wasn't a fit for me and that I wasn't comfortable, and I knew that I had to leave.
00;28;32;19 - 00;28;58;07
Steph
The physical accommodations were just like not up to my standards, which I judge as snobby and privileged, and that it was just my ego and that I could get passed by and I could learn to live differently. And maybe all those things are true. And I challenged them for sure. Like I gave it a fair shot, but I'm fully okay accepting that there are standards that I'm not willing to fall beneath.
00;28;58;07 - 00;29;18;09
Steph
And yeah, humans can adapt to anything and at a shocking rate, actually. But at what cost? And for me, when my body started physically breaking down, I knew that it was more than just ego. I knew that not just like the physical accommodations. Yes, that was a problem for me, but just also the environment that I was in was not a fit for me and I needed to leave.
00;29;18;13 - 00;29;35;18
Steph
I just felt bad making the call and breaking my commitment. And as soon as I did, my body immediately released. I had no plans of where I was going to go or what I was going to do next. But there were a few things that sounded nice to me, and so that was my signal of what to follow.
00;29;35;20 - 00;30;03;11
Steph
And this is kind of when I realized that that universal experiment that I was setting out on to see if the universe would swoop in and catch me if I took big leaps of faith. I think that this experience was showing me my nose over and over and over and taking things away from me that aren't a fit for me, rather than landing a perfect present or a perfect plan right into my lap, you become more attuned to your intuition and to your residents.
00;30;03;11 - 00;30;27;10
Steph
And so your decisions start becoming more and more aligned. Like as your nose are removed from your life, what you're not into, you become more specific and narrow and focused on what your yeses might be. I was waiting for a perfect present to land in my lap, but what I realized is that the perfect present is recognizing what is not in alignment for me.
00;30;27;10 - 00;30;46;04
Steph
I don't think that this is like a finding myself mission at all. I don't believe in that. I don't believe that any of us are lost. I think that any I felt like I'm quote unquote lost. It's because I'm trying to fit into somebody else's dream and ignoring my own. But I do think that this was more of like a faith finding mission.
00;30;46;06 - 00;31;06;10
Steph
My goal for this year and for the rest of my life is to learn to listen when I get a signal or a message from my body, from my intuition, from the universe, whatever it might be, I'm learning to trust more quickly and with more conviction to follow that message. I've never really allowed that before. So intentionally, intentionally and consciously.
00;31;06;10 - 00;31;40;07
Steph
And this whole experience kind of starting with quitting my job, leaving my apartment, setting out on this adventure was, I have to say, like the first time I started really consciously paying attention to those signals and allowing myself to live with no plan but to just listen to those signals and see where they take me. My body responds really obviously negatively with like dread and lack of energy and tension and literal ailments and rashes to situations that are not for me.
00;31;40;09 - 00;32;19;25
Steph
And it feels giddy and light and open and expansive and glittery and calm and motivated when what I'm doing is part of my souls path. Now I'm in a town called Pavone Costa Rica, and I left for about a week and felt tons of agitation in this town that I went to that's somewhat nearby. And then I came back to Pavone is Costa Rica, and the second we got on the road that led to Pavone, it's like, again, my entire body released, like I felt this lightness and this brightness in my face, in my throat, and like in my heart, honestly, I felt like so much more expanded and calm and like, I was so
00;32;19;25 - 00;32;41;03
Steph
happy to be back. And I felt this, like deep resonance with the physical environment that I'm in. And I and I feel like so much more vibrance and vitality when I'm here, and that's what I want to experience. So again, the universe is taking away my nose, taking them out of my life for me, and allowing me to take a more aligned decision for myself by taking those things away.
00;32;41;04 - 00;33;05;19
Steph
So it's like every time something is taken away, I have infinite new possibilities and new choices that I could be. The present that I'm getting from the universe is opportunity, and I get to make a new decision and my body tells me what the most aligned decision is. So that's been my experience here. My final lesson that's a big takeaway for me is clarity on what's most important to me.
00;33;05;19 - 00;33;26;28
Steph
So when I'm in, you know, in these environments that have less access to resources and modern conveniences, when you strip away everything that you you're used to at home, you get really clear on what you want back or what you don't miss at all. For me, like I don't care about restaurants, really. I don't care about shopping. I don't care that much about concerts or bars.
00;33;27;00 - 00;34;00;26
Steph
Those things are nice occasionally, for sure, but on a day to day basis, like my core needs and what I care about most is access to healthy food surfing community like aligned community. Time for wellness, coffee shops, chocolate like a comfortable home. And honestly, that's enough for me at this point. That's what I'm thinking in Santa Catalina, we had like one bar with a party every Saturday night and we dance barefoot and drink cheap beer and have a blast.
00;34;00;26 - 00;34;18;27
Steph
And there were like two coffee shops where I was a regular. There was the beach that I surf, Dad and I would run into friends everywhere I went and like, that was good for me. And of course there were some hotels and like some restaurants, but that wasn't high on my list of importance. Honestly, though, the only thing that was missing was like a luxury spa.
00;34;18;27 - 00;34;42;13
Steph
I would like to add that to my list of things that I do care about is like just one luxury spa. But it's simple. Like the things that make me feel deeply, deeply, deeply nourished and super fulfilled are just those simple things. So in nature, I like to be in nature every day. It's so comforting to me to know that that's enough.
00;34;42;15 - 00;35;00;03
Steph
Like there's a very realistic number for me to access those things. And what I hope to do with the rest is be generous, meet my needs and share the rest. And like that's a good life. And so if I take away one thing from this entire experience, it's just clarity on what I need to feel that deep fulfillment.
00;35;00;07 - 00;35;18;12
Steph
So anyways, I think that's enough for today. But I'll just leave you with the thought that like nothing's ever as serious or complicated or as profound as you think it'll be if you have a yearning to go somewhere or do something or make a new decision in your life, you absolutely need to do it. You owe yourself that.
00;35;18;14 - 00;35;39;19
Steph
If you think it's complicated, I promise you it can be simplified. If you think that it's dire and too serious and too scary, it's possible. Find someone who's done it before. Reach out. Me. We can talk through it. You're only going to be this age in this phase of your life for so long and you have so many opportunities available to you.
00;35;39;20 - 00;35;56;22
Steph
So in the words of Bob Marley, I heard this one yesterday when I was driving. He says, If you're not living good, travel wide and maybe you don't want to travel, that's fine. But the point is, make a new decision for yourself. And if you're waiting for an opening, I just want to say that it might already be available to you.
00;35;56;22 - 00;36;15;09
Steph
I kept looking at people living my dream life, thinking and assuming and stewing that they had something that I didn't like. Chiller parents or more talent or more freedom are not as much to lose or like fewer rules to live by. Which, by the way, the only rules I'm talking about are the stupid ones that I make for myself.
00;36;15;11 - 00;36;35;21
Steph
But a big assumption was that they all had some sort of opening or opportunity that invited this change in their life, and some did. But what I've witnessed from the others and what I experienced is that oftentimes the invitation for an opening is actually already in front of you, and you just won't see it until you're ready. Whatever is calling to you.
00;36;35;21 - 00;36;53;20
Steph
I just ask that you give yourself the opportunity to go experience and pursue it because this is your beautiful, beautiful one life and you don't have to suffer through it. You get to enjoy it. Go buy yourself a popsicle from the gas station and just like revel in the joy of that simplicity. I'm going to leave you guys with that.
00;36;53;23 - 00;36;55;01
Steph
Okay? Love you. Bye.